You have more choices than you think

Choice/Reality Therapy in action

I once worked with a college student who felt stuck and left out. She often said, “Nothing ever works out for me, especially with friendships”. The more excluded she felt, the more she withdrew - sitting alone, avoiding group work, and ignoring messages because she assumed people didn’t genuinely want her around.

Using a reality therapy approach, I asked, “What do you want right now?” She said,

“I just want real friends. I want to feel like I belong.”

Then I asked, “Is what you’re doing helping you get that?”

She paused and admitted, “Not really.”

We focused on what she could control. She couldn’t force others to include her, but she could choose to respond, initiate plans, and show up differently. She decided to send one message inviting a friend to study.

How Choice Theory and Reality Therapy Support Everyday Well-Being

When life feels overwhelming, it’s easy to believe that stress, emotions, or other people are in control. But what if part of feeling better isn’t about changing your circumstances, it’s about reconnecting with your ability to choose how you respond?

That’s the heart of Choice Theory, a psychology-based approach developed by psychiatrist William Glasser. In wellness and therapeutic settings, it offers a hopeful, empowering message: while we can’t always control what happens to us, we do have meaningful control over our actions - and that control can change how we feel.

What Is Choice Theory, in Plain Language?

Choice Theory suggests that most of what we do is driven by our efforts to meet basic human needs. These needs aren’t just physical - they’re emotional and relational too.

According to Choice Theory, everyone is motivated by five core needs:

• Survival (safety, health, stability)

• Love and belonging (connection, acceptance)

• Power (competence, achievement, self-worth)

• Freedom (autonomy, independence, choice)

• Fun (joy, play, learning)

When these needs are being met in healthy ways, we tend to feel balanced and well. When they’re not, we may experience stress, anxiety, frustration, or disconnection. From this perspective, emotional distress isn’t a personal failure - it’s information. It’s a sign that something important is missing.

Reality Therapy: Turning Insight into Action

Reality Therapy is the practical application of Choice Theory, often used in counseling and coaching but just as relevant to everyday life. Instead of focusing heavily on the past or on labels, it focuses on the present moment and what’s actually within your control.

The approach invites gentle self-reflection through questions like:

• What do I really want right now?

• What am I currently doing?

• Is this helping me get closer to what I want?

• What’s one small thing I could do differently?

These questions encourage awareness without judgment. They’re not about blaming yourself - they’re about noticing patterns and exploring options.

Responsibility Without Shame

One reason Choice Theory resonates in wellness spaces is its emphasis on personal responsibility paired with compassion.

Responsibility here doesn’t mean ignoring hardship or pretending trauma doesn’t matter. It means recognizing where you still have influence - even in difficult circumstances. That recognition can be deeply empowering.

Instead of feeling stuck in cycles of frustration (“This always happens to me”), Choice Theory encourages a shift toward curiosity: What choices do I have right now, even if they’re small?

That shift alone can reduce feelings of helplessness and increase emotional resilience.

Why Relationships Matter So Much

In therapeutic and wellness settings, supportive relationships - whether with a therapist, coach, partner, or community - help meet this need. Feeling heard and respected makes it easier to reflect honestly and try new behaviors.

In everyday life, this might look like improving communication, setting healthier boundaries, or choosing to invest energy in relationships that feel mutual and supportive.

A Practical Approach to Daily Wellness

One of the most appealing aspects of Reality Therapy is how practical it is. It doesn’t ask for dramatic life overhauls. Instead, it emphasizes small, realistic changes that align with your values.

For example:

• Choosing to take a short walk instead of spiraling into rumination

• Speaking up about a need rather than suppressing resentment

• Shifting focus from what others “should” do to what you can do

• Over time, these small choices add up, reinforcing a sense of agency and self-trust.

An Empowering Way to Think About Change

Choice Theory doesn’t promise constant happiness or perfect control. What it offers is something more grounded: the reminder that you are an active participant in your life. Wellness, from this perspective, isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about learning how to make choices - again and again - that better meet your needs and support the life you want to live, and sometimes, the most meaningful choice is simply believing that change is possible. When you’re ready to take charge of your life, contact me at JPB Counseling for a free 15-minute consultation to begin your healing journey today!

Book Today